Saturday, April 3, 2010

The Day before Easter...

Dear Adriana,
Today is the same day as last year (The Day before Easter) that we came home from the Hospital without you. That was really hard for us knowing we had to leave you there and you would not be coming home.The day was wierd, it was quiet and visitors had stopped comming. We did not have you in our room to take care of, we did not hear you crying. Mommy was hurting so bad from her surgery and my milk was coming in to feed you, but I couldn't. We knew that Easter was the following morning and wanted to be home with your sisters, so we asked to be able to be discharged that day. Walking out of that Hospital not having you with us and knowing that the only other time we would see you was at the Funeral Home was heartbreaking. While I was being wheelchaired out of the room and Daddy was walking with the flowers that were given to us, people were walking past us and looking at the flowers assumed we just had a baby and were going home, which we did and were, what they did not know was that you were in Heaven. They were happily saying "Congratulations!" Daddy did not know what to say so he just said "Thank You". As I waited outside with the nurse for Daddy to get the car I saw a New Mommy walking quickly with her friends arm around her helping her walk. She was clearly in Labor and all I could think about was how it wasn't fair that her baby was still alive. I stood there and cried while my nurse held me close to her. I did not have a carseat or a new little baby to take home. Instead all I had was a bag with some of the things that were donated for you at the Hospital. When we got home we were quickly greated by some friends and neighbors with hugs and support. I walked in the house and felt better being home but went in your room and was so sad. I wanted you home with me so bad, I felt so empty, you were not in my tummy or in my arms, What happened? I Miss you so much baby girl, Your Birthday is on Friday and we will be celebrating with you at your grave. I love you so much baby girl.

2 comments:

  1. Oh my gosh that broke my heart. I know she will be with you on Friday and you will feel her. I am so glad you have this blog and that we can read about your beautiful baby girl. Happy Birthday Adriana I will be thinking about you on Friday!!! I love you and your strength Kristina, she will ALWAYS be here and in your life forever.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Thanks for posting. Easter means so much more to me this year than any other before. Its almost been 6 months since Kyndal died.. time is flying by.
    Happy Easter and good luck with everything with the new babe :)

    ReplyDelete